Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
