a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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