I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
