i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
