even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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