just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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