we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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