Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
