His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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