I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
