I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize