i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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