hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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