I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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