I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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