dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
