doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
