She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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