ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
