I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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