So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
