I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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