I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
