I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
