I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
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Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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