he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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