I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
