where am i from again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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