once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
