I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
