Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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