Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
