Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
