hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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