My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
