This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
