Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
