I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
