yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
