Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
