i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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