I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
