I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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