i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
