Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
