mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
