4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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