in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
