P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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