oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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