Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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