My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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