Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize