I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
