Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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