Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
