I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
