i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need moral support for this bender
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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