My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
