my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
