maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
