you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
