I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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